What Childhood Shaped Me To Be...My Visitors Part III
Dad didn't try to recognize or show her very much regard, instead he found reasons to cut her down often instead of acknowledging the effort she made to follow his rules, do well in school, find out what her interests and strengths were--she had a job and balanced that with AB HONOR ROLL, helped around the house with female chores, and worked on dad's vehicles along with hers, but was still sheltered and not really allowed a social life to spend with friends, EXCEPT those he approved of, AND they came to our house to spend time, in MOST instances.
Neither my sister or I HAD STEADY BOYFRIENDS, DATED anyone we would DARE let dad find out about. Charlotte DID actually attend her Senior Prom. She went under the guise of her group of friends having dates and steady boyfriends with her going STAG, dateless.
I don't think this was really the case, a because there was a bit of a search for the RIGHT dress, and she was allowed to wear a pair of Granny's dress shoes because they really did go best with the dress she'd chosen.
When it was my time, I was more affected by dad's strict nature, I didn't know anything ELSE to do but STAY SHELTERED so I wouldn't make waves...but as someone who was REALLY getting older and was supposed to be learning to balance and find the best way to cope with HIGH school and all of those matters, with separated parents who did squabble and bicker, so my mom backwd away altogether, so had NO CLOSENESS WITH MY MOM while going through JR HIGH and HIGH SCHOOL, up to about 10th grade, because I dealt with it differently, I RAN AWAY so I could go live with my mom, to try to grow into who I was TO BE without being looked down upon or prevented from that.
Right here, let me also put in VERY BRIEFLY, that even so young a child, I sensed that being different, being THAT MUCH of MYSELF by EVER expressing anything to do with Spiritual matters and contact, being hyper sensitive and OPEN to that, having OTHER insight and awareness to what couldn't be touched, seen, heard, experienced by someone as pessimistic and halting as my dad, SO WOULD BE WRITTEN AWAY and altogether disregarded as MY BEING CRAZY...I WAS NOT GOING TO BE ALLOWED TO BE MYSELF.
At school entry, distraction and busy-ness with learning, with contact with other kids and adults who monitored us closely, I couldn't FIND ANY WAY to BE THAT MUCH of MYSELF without running the risk of ridicule or WORSE, I SHUT DOWN THAT PART OF MYSELF WHEN I WENT to JR HIGH.
Don't get me wrong.. I was busy with school and lessons, chores, being a kid, a daughter who only saw her grandmother and dad on a regular basis, I felt marked and hurt and just freakishly awkward and like I didn't really and probably never WOULD fit in anywhere, or with ANYONE. I went into HIDING, I buried that part of myself and actually STILL COULD sense the presence of family members, even AFTER our immediate group had shrunk, decreasing in size first when MOM left, and then again, when CHARLOTTE graduated from school and left home.
I felt like I had NO CHOICE--I felt out and tested what responses and reactions and even REACTIONS were by making small little statements and remarks that kind of SUBTLY HINTED and learned it wouldn't be very well-received, so I kept it inside and only spoke a few times to mom, maybe to Granny, and maybe once or twice to Charlotte.
I knew HOW dad would feel and REACT to having a crazy and sick daughter (I started having petit mal seizures in 2nd grade, in school. I went to the doctor, had testing, got diagnosed with Epilepsy and medicated...and psychic abilities were sent to the back row, and I truly forgot about ever being psychic for years. Just as automatically as I came into this world functioning as a psychic, with the medication that had been prescribed to prevent me from having seizures, the memory of having been psychic as well the connection, the messages, it was all buried in the back of my mind somewhere under a strong barbiturate that we seriously decreased my dosage of by THREE because I was SLEEPING ALL DAY THROUGH SCHOOL. So...from 2nd to 9th grade, when I moved and changed schools, I took a tsp dose before school and a tsp before I went to bed.
When I was 16 years old, we decided I wouldn't take the medicine and see if I had seizures...I didn't. So, evidently, I outgrew them, over time OR we kept me medicated long enough that they just ceased. Guess what returned. One day after school, I walked up to my mom sitting at our patio table, reading a book and we saw an ad for psychic readings...I told her I don't know how I even feel something like that, but something TELLS me I can DO THAT.
For whatever reason, a group of our ancestors who passed before my sister and I were born spent YEARS closely AROUND our family...to ensure THE ACTUAL OCCURRENCE of SOMETHING VERY TARGETED AND SPECIFIC.
I will repeat myself now in an effort to stress and emphasize this to everyone!
The former members of our iimmediate family made their GROUP PRESENCE known to me, when I was just a pre-school aged little girl and SPENT YEARS around ALL of us.
I was not frightened, scared, alarmed--it was pleasant, positively aligned and it caused me to STRIVE to be a higher quality of person, within. It paved the way, I think, for me being willing to embark on my Ascension path...when it was time, and gave me MOTIVATION to reach HIGH and SEEK results that I have to literally CAUSE the ACTUAL creation OF
If it was THAT important, the odds are that it IS TRULY WORTH ACHIEVEMENT OF--THAT IT TRULY WILL BENEFIT HUMANITY.
It started before Charlotte and I were ever even BORN
family in. their thoughts and wanted to stay close, connected and be watchful, protective, helpful as connection and impressions and through contact with one immediate member of the family and of the household enabled that relationship of guardian, watcher, overseer, family protector or guide to stay fully intact for as long as wanted or needed.
Neither my sister or I HAD STEADY BOYFRIENDS, DATED anyone we would DARE let dad find out about. Charlotte DID actually attend her Senior Prom. She went under the guise of her group of friends having dates and steady boyfriends with her going STAG, dateless.
I don't think this was really the case, a because there was a bit of a search for the RIGHT dress, and she was allowed to wear a pair of Granny's dress shoes because they really did go best with the dress she'd chosen.
When it was my time, I was more affected by dad's strict nature, I didn't know anything ELSE to do but STAY SHELTERED so I wouldn't make waves...but as someone who was REALLY getting older and was supposed to be learning to balance and find the best way to cope with HIGH school and all of those matters, with separated parents who did squabble and bicker, so my mom backwd away altogether, so had NO CLOSENESS WITH MY MOM while going through JR HIGH and HIGH SCHOOL, up to about 10th grade, because I dealt with it differently, I RAN AWAY so I could go live with my mom, to try to grow into who I was TO BE without being looked down upon or prevented from that.
Right here, let me also put in VERY BRIEFLY, that even so young a child, I sensed that being different, being THAT MUCH of MYSELF by EVER expressing anything to do with Spiritual matters and contact, being hyper sensitive and OPEN to that, having OTHER insight and awareness to what couldn't be touched, seen, heard, experienced by someone as pessimistic and halting as my dad, SO WOULD BE WRITTEN AWAY and altogether disregarded as MY BEING CRAZY...I WAS NOT GOING TO BE ALLOWED TO BE MYSELF.
At school entry, distraction and busy-ness with learning, with contact with other kids and adults who monitored us closely, I couldn't FIND ANY WAY to BE THAT MUCH of MYSELF without running the risk of ridicule or WORSE, I SHUT DOWN THAT PART OF MYSELF WHEN I WENT to JR HIGH.
Don't get me wrong.. I was busy with school and lessons, chores, being a kid, a daughter who only saw her grandmother and dad on a regular basis, I felt marked and hurt and just freakishly awkward and like I didn't really and probably never WOULD fit in anywhere, or with ANYONE. I went into HIDING, I buried that part of myself and actually STILL COULD sense the presence of family members, even AFTER our immediate group had shrunk, decreasing in size first when MOM left, and then again, when CHARLOTTE graduated from school and left home.
I felt like I had NO CHOICE--I felt out and tested what responses and reactions and even REACTIONS were by making small little statements and remarks that kind of SUBTLY HINTED and learned it wouldn't be very well-received, so I kept it inside and only spoke a few times to mom, maybe to Granny, and maybe once or twice to Charlotte.
I knew HOW dad would feel and REACT to having a crazy and sick daughter (I started having petit mal seizures in 2nd grade, in school. I went to the doctor, had testing, got diagnosed with Epilepsy and medicated...and psychic abilities were sent to the back row, and I truly forgot about ever being psychic for years. Just as automatically as I came into this world functioning as a psychic, with the medication that had been prescribed to prevent me from having seizures, the memory of having been psychic as well the connection, the messages, it was all buried in the back of my mind somewhere under a strong barbiturate that we seriously decreased my dosage of by THREE because I was SLEEPING ALL DAY THROUGH SCHOOL. So...from 2nd to 9th grade, when I moved and changed schools, I took a tsp dose before school and a tsp before I went to bed.
When I was 16 years old, we decided I wouldn't take the medicine and see if I had seizures...I didn't. So, evidently, I outgrew them, over time OR we kept me medicated long enough that they just ceased. Guess what returned. One day after school, I walked up to my mom sitting at our patio table, reading a book and we saw an ad for psychic readings...I told her I don't know how I even feel something like that, but something TELLS me I can DO THAT.
For whatever reason, a group of our ancestors who passed before my sister and I were born spent YEARS closely AROUND our family...to ensure THE ACTUAL OCCURRENCE of SOMETHING VERY TARGETED AND SPECIFIC.
I will repeat myself now in an effort to stress and emphasize this to everyone!
The former members of our iimmediate family made their GROUP PRESENCE known to me, when I was just a pre-school aged little girl and SPENT YEARS around ALL of us.
I was not frightened, scared, alarmed--it was pleasant, positively aligned and it caused me to STRIVE to be a higher quality of person, within. It paved the way, I think, for me being willing to embark on my Ascension path...when it was time, and gave me MOTIVATION to reach HIGH and SEEK results that I have to literally CAUSE the ACTUAL creation OF
If it was THAT important, the odds are that it IS TRULY WORTH ACHIEVEMENT OF--THAT IT TRULY WILL BENEFIT HUMANITY.
It started before Charlotte and I were ever even BORN
family in. their thoughts and wanted to stay close, connected and be watchful, protective, helpful as connection and impressions and through contact with one immediate member of the family and of the household enabled that relationship of guardian, watcher, overseer, family protector or guide to stay fully intact for as long as wanted or needed.
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